If you intend to get what you want, at some point and in some form, you will have to ask for it. You can become almost anything if you consistently ask for it and show up ready for it. If you haven’t expressed that you want something and you wait for it to come to you, it will take forever if it even comes at all. You have to ask. and keep asking. You’d be surprised the number of opportunities that go to the person who is there to take them rather than the most qualified person.

A GUIDE TO ASKING FOR WHAT YOU WANT and for DEALING WITH REJECTION:

1. REFRAME WHAT REJECTION MEANS AND CHANGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS: aim for 100 rejections. That way, I am expecting rejections and it’s a bonus if I don’t get rejected. Of course, this does not mean to give up before you start or to ask in a defeated way.

2. REJECTION IS NOT BAD: remember that every rejection brings you closer to an acceptance.

3. REJECTION IS NOT PERSONAL: Untie rejection from your self-worth. Rejection means that you don’t have whatever that particular gatekeeper is looking for at that moment. It doesn’t mean that you are a flawed person and it doesn’t mean that you are bad at what you do.

4. APPRECIATE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN: rejection is a chance to refine your pitch/ product. It’s a practice.

5. RESPOND WELL WHEN YOU ARE REJECTED: you never know if the same person who rejects you now will need your services in the future. Thank them for taking the time to answer you and be gracious.

6. BROADEN YOUR OPPORTUNITIES: if you are to practice asking for what you want you may not want to ask for the thing you most want first. Try to pick at least 10 things that you want but are not attached to. You can start by asking for these. If your confidence grows after the first one or two then go for what you most want.

7. PLAY THE LONG GAME i.e. DON’T GIVE UP: it’s often those who hang around long enough i.e. keep trying who become successful. They eventually become the person that people know and call when they need that particular service.

8. FOCUS ON WHAT THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING TO WANTS: remember to think of what they are getting from the situation. If you are asking to play at a venue focus on what you are offering them. What kind of audience can you bring, what is special about your performance. Remember, the interest of the venue might be completely different than your interest - some venues will take chances and be supportive of great original music but many of them will have an overriding need to sell drinks and that’s really what your job is. If you want the job, how can you help them do that?

SO START REACHING OUT TO PEOPLE IF YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ALREADY!

Here’s y(our) homework:

what will your next 10 reach outs be and when will you reach out to them?